The timing of this blog couldn’t be any more perfect. Recently, I decided to stop taking  birth control. I’ve had my share of experiences with birth control for over a decade now. I had an  I.U.D for three years and started to have anxiety about the tiny plastic device inside of me. It’s  likely the safest on the market; Everybody is different; it is a mystery to me where anxiety comes  from. Similar to arousal, the decision came from a strange place within myself that I struggle to  pinpoint.  

While I enjoyed the autonomy of the Nuva Ring a lot better, I struggled with birth  control’s adverse effects. The NuvaRing is a plastic ring that is inserted and removed every 3  weeks if you want to menstruate or every 4 weeks if you want to skip your period altogether. My  experience with my period is complicated. Hormonal levels have resulted in a shorter cycle and  lighter periods.  

After deciding to go off Birth control, one of the first effects was a surge of the happy  hormones responsible for ovulation. My arousal broke as waves crashed on the shore. And that is  how it feels in my body, as if my body mirrors the tides of the ocean. I started to write again. And  in that first ovulatory week, I started and finished another short story for my upcoming short  story collection.  

It is challenging to start and finish a writing project. It was as if my arousal fueled my  creativity and drive. What I’m aroused by varies. It tends to come from my senses, especially my 

sense of smell. I can tell when my heightened arousal state is occurring when I smell my partner  and feel a familiar wave in my body.  

Practicing yoga for years has enhanced my inner understanding of my body. I’m acutely  aware of changes and sensations. When my period is approaching, I’m prone to bouts of  emotional turbulence and turmoil. And when my period finally arrives, there’s a surge of relief  and calm. Similar to how a storm will affect the ocean.  

I thoroughly enjoy these cycles. I understand and support a woman’s choice to skip her  period through the use of birth control. Everybody has a different relationship and experience of  these cycles. For me, my cycle, like my routines, is what grounds me. I’m constantly reborn and  rejuvenated. My arousal state is directly related to my productivity state. During my period, I  retreat and go inward.  

Arousal feels similar to how I feel after drinking my morning coffee—another of my  beloved rituals. I’m energized and inspired. This is when I think I look my best, and I certainly  feel my best. It’s a time to love and celebrate my body. It’s when partner sex is the most electric.  It’s when my self-love practice is at its easiest and most joyful. I’m aroused primarily by the  scents, whether they be my partner or the trees blossoming on my street. May tends to be the  time of year when my arousal awakens.  

I look forward to deepening my relationship with my natural cycle. That is how we  understand ourselves and our relationships with others. How our self-love changes depending on  where we are in time is the greatest gift you can give yourself. When we don’t understand  ourselves or our hormone changes, that is when we participate in self-destructive behavior. 

How do I support myself in my arousal state? By engaging in projects that excite me. By  taking long walks outside. By eating delicious food. By masturbating or having partner sex. And  above all, in asking myself what I want or need and making that happen daily. The daily,  evolving practice of self-love is a dance similar to the tides and waves of the ocean. Embracing  the turbulence and riding the wave is the only way we stay afloat. 

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