Dear Betty,
As a child and early teen I experienced sexual force by an adult repeatedly. I would squeeze my vagina very tight to prevent penetration. It only angered the adult and ultimately did not prevent him.
As a result when I finally had sex with my someone in my age group as a young adult I cried. Many years later with grown children and I’m menopausal now I find if I am not active my vagina closes up. I have a partner now and after a long time of celibacy he re-opened me and it was very painful.
He was trying to get next to me for 3 years and finally I opened my heart and now he only comes by for sex. Eventually, I will let him go for his lack of not wanting a mature relationship but for now I am enjoying the oral sex but the penetration is very painful after I dry inside, even though I use coconut oil and replenish moisturizer.
He also takes forever to climax, well over 1 hour or 2. He is a martial artist and knows how to recycle his breath or something. I’m always torn and sore after sex and feeling a bit inadequate that I climax and he did not. I usually have to finish his climax by masturbating him.
What helpful advise can you give. Thank you.
Dear N,
You are already doing the smart thing by giving him manual stimulation. Just do it first to get him close to coming and then let him penetrate your well oiled vagina. Coconut oil is too thin as is moisturizer. Either use Almond oil or even Vaseline to better coat your vaginal walls. The minuet you feel discomfort stop!
Then take hold of his penis and masturbate him. Or do a few minuets of oral sex before shifting to your hand. His lucky to be getting laid and you must be in charge. Or when you are fucking, the minuet you feel dry or discomfort STOP. Either apply more lube or shift over to another form of stimulation for him.
It’s your body that’s being penetrated and you MUST learn to “Run the fuck!”
Dr Betty
