As you probably already guessed, I am about to tell you that there is no normal. Normal is a societal construct put into place to box people. Someone, somewhere, somewhen decided what is to be considered appropriate or not and most of us have grown up conforming to these rules of normality in one way or another. If I look back on my early years, I remember how hard I tried to fit in. Be like everyone else. Be normal. Figuring out who I was and wanted to be in this mess was tricky. It took me a moment 😉
Are our bodies not compliant?
When I started my journey with Bodysex, I was very sure that what I was experiencing was abnormal (and, in conclusion, maybe so was I!?). A lot of people, so my perspective, were having the sex I (thought I) wanted. Except for me. My body just wasn’t compliant enough. Well, it turned out that wasn’t quite the truth.
I am normal and so are you.
First things first: I am normal and so are you. Beautifully normal. Once again for those in the back – we are all normal. I remember reading Emily Nagoski’s book “Come As You Are” and loving the idea of how – and there is scientific proof for this – our genitals all develop from the same parts and how that basically makes us not so different from one another. We are all the same, yet different. Human beings with different needs and different desires. If those needs and desires are experienced in a healthy, non-exploitive, consent given environment, then all is good. Then all is normal. I didn’t have that information available when I started to finally learn the essentials about my genitals and to even tip into the different needs and desires I might have sexually, I needed to cover some basics. Knowing how my vulva looked and felt, and how to put orgasm into my own hands – quite literally speaking – was top on the list. Sexual desire and different forms of sexual expression were part of my facilitator training and I got to learn a lot, not only about diversity, but also about the beauty of having an open mind and maybe changing a believe or two.
“All the things that make sex not normal, are the very things that keep sex interesting.”
Dr. Chris Donaghue, therapist, author, educator and lecturer, argues that the main problems with sex lie in the fact that we live in a sex negative culture and that, in fact, all things that make sex “not normal”, are the very things that keep sex interesting. Makes me think that the world could be such a wonderful place, if we all aspired to be not normal, instead of the opposite. I for one think I’ll try.