On my way to my very first BodySex workshop, my heart began beating a familiar beat that occurs when I’m about to do something that I know will have a lasting effect on me. My hands get mildly clammy, my chest warms, and my eyes hyperfocus, taking in everything around me as I take the elevator up to Betty Dodson’s apartment on Park Avenue in New York City. I had flown across the country just to experience this, and what I knew in my bones was just the beginning of a lifelong practice to pleasure. As I get closer to the door, I have no idea what will happen. I just know I need to be here. I knew it the moment I opened the book Sex For One, by Betty Dodson. After reading the first chapter, I flipped to the back of the book- saw Betty’s face, googled her, and signed up! 9 months later, here i was. I knocked on the door and Carlin opened it; she had a wonderfully warm smile and was naked. She hugged me and showed me where to store my clothing after I undressed and then came in. I’m naked now and walk in. A few other women are inside, and more are coming in now. I’m staying quiet, but every sound, all the other women there are about 12 of us, the colors of everyone’s skin, the textures, the fabrication of womanness. It’s all around me. Two contradicting things happened, I started to feel self-conscious, and that thing that happens when you are in a room of people, especially women, happens you start projecting, making up stories, and trying to figure out who they are in relationship to me (friend or not) and also it felt like I was witnessing many versions of self, my young self I see her across the room, my timed self, my slutty sensual self, my wise self. My reserved self, my punk self, my mother self, my curious self, my voluptuous self, we are all here.
Betty lets us know to sit on our yoga mat. We are in a circle, we all have a similar look, curious and reserved, naked together. There is a collective sigh, a deep outpour of breath that bonds us all.. This feels so fucking familiar that it’s delightful. It’s a relief.
But now comes the talking part. The question is, “ How do you feel about your Orgasm? How do you feel about Your body?”
Each of us answers the question. Every response is raw and accurate, and we have all met a part of ourselves in our stories. Answering and honestly being asked this question opens the space more; we can understand almost everything about each other and the collective of women’s existence- and why we are all here.
Honestly, this feels like the most essential opening question on earth, as it poignantly revealed so much about us, what we have been through, what we stand for, what’s important, and what we are going or not going to do about it. FUCK YES.
The next part of the workshop is about to begin Genital Show and Share. We sit next to Betty and look at our vulva in a mirror, learning all the parts of her that most of us never knew! I realized I had, in fact, never really taken the time to look at my pussy like this EVER! All those visits to the gynecologist, even working with a renowned midwife and having a natural home childbirth, not once did another women suggest that I look at my pussy in the mirror – check her out, get to know her, See her when she is beautifully engorged and acknowledge her just because. I had felt pretty confident so far during the workshop – but in this part, I knew I had some healing to confront. My body shame that I had been caring was about the shape of my inner lips, one longer than the other and disfigured during a tear when birthing my son. The part of me I had already been uncomfortable with had become even more painful, and I knew that I was probably the only one in the room with this kind of disfiguration. My inner labia had torn completely in half. Even though I was confident about my orgasm, I felt ashamed about my genitals, how they looked, and how they felt. I hated it so much that I even stopped liking to receive oral sex; it felt uncomfortable, too much, and got me so self-conscious, and in my head, I could not enjoy anything. So, when it was my turn to go up, I reluctantly did so. I held back my tears and pretended to be comfortable and confident with my body. All the women so far had such uniquely beautiful vulvas, lips, and colors, and yes, we were all so different in each size and shape. And almost every woman had some kind of insecurity or shyness about showing hers off. But every time each of us was sharing and showing her out, we looked and gazed and admired, saying all the beautiful things we saw, the colors, the pubic hair, the incredible beauty. When I finally found the courage to go up there, without choice, something released- a sad, sad story I had been carrying about my body, the way everyone looked at her and me and saw beauty. I felt normal again. I felt in my body- instead of running away from it.
This is powerful stuff!
I went home after day one and had the absolute best sleep of my life. It felt like years of holding on to my past – finally set free.
The next day was the fun stuff, Erotic Recess. Well at least I thought so.
We all entered the room excited and ready to remove our clothes again. What a refreshing feeling, it just felt right to be unclothed, free of projections, and witness entirely to each other’s beauty. We all looked a little different today. More comfortable in our skin, more alive and present. One of my favorite things about this workshop is it attracted all other women from different walks of life, cultures, skin tones, body shapes, and, most importantly, ages. There were women in their early 20s to early 70’s, and we were all there for the same thing: to experience pleasure! We were here to rewrite our narrative with our bodies and sexuality. We sat down, and next to us were a few new items: Almond oil, a large Hitachi wand (vibrator), and Betty’s barbell. UP NEXT, EROTIC RECESS. This is the part where we practice masturbation- in a group- at the same time! Many of the women had never experienced orgasms before, and some had had traumatic stories that prevented any kind of pleasure again; a few were like me, super sexual and healing the slut wound and embracing joy on their terms; a few had marriages or had left them because there was no more desire or spark, whatever the reason we were there and this was our moment to give it a try! There is NO Agenda, no goal of orgasm, except that’s what happened… to everyone in the room!
There was no pressure of performance or expectation- this was about getting in touch with our desires and connecting with our bodies again. But first, we learn about the rock and roll technique. We practice different breaths and movements, all to create more sensation, and it’s starting to feel good. Then we grab our vibrators. We are placing it on all parts of our body following our chakras. The vibration is soothing and fuzzy feeling. Erotic Recess has begun. Like that, I am moving my hips and exploring the variety of my fingers, the barbell, and the vibrator. About 20 minutes pass, and then the most beautiful thing occurs; I so in my practice until I hear the woman across the room from me starting a sweet, gentle moan. And then another and another, and then I start feeling my body activating and coming closer to climax. It’s like a waterfall of moans and climaxes; we are all cumming together or one after another. It’s strangely not distracting; it is motivating and erotic and pure and primal. It goes on and then quiets again. Betty encourages us to keep going, and we do. There are magically now some strawberries and cheese in the middle of the room; a few of us get to take a break snack and then return to our pleasure mats. This is incredible. One woman next to me hasn’t orgasmed yet, and she wants some help. Carlin is with her now and guiding her back to herself. I turn myself on my belly and go for it again, practicing ways I don’t usually cum, we are here to practice, to break the pattern, so I go for it. My body is flush, and I feel the ecstatic dopamine rush post-orgasm. I look around the room; the sight is the most beautiful thing I have seen. We are all just covered in bliss. It’s not weird at all. It feels amazing. I feel at home!
After about 2 hours, everyone is snacking and chatting, and the Erotic recess comes to a natural close. As if it could get better than this, we now get to experience the goddess massage. This is when one woman lays in the middle of 4 women and gets just to receive a nonsexual massage.
This exercise brought us all together in a way that felt like we had known each other for centuries. I felt as if I had been transported to being Greece Goddesses and we were royalty offering each other the most loving, sweetest care, reverence the presence; a tear came down my cheek as I looked around and felt each woman experiencing the same. Something in me shifted, a softening of a newfound belief in women and sisterhood. A state of survival I had been in that disarmed. This is the Bodysex community. We closed the circle, sharing our experiences, and with that, it was complete. The shares at the end of the circle were profound. We had each changed in just these 2 days. We are all liberated. That was all I needed to know. This is my path, a dedication to pleasure and the importance of everywomen knowing we are so fucking worthy of it.
