I remember penetrating myself with my fingers for the first time when I was 3 or 4 years old while taking a bath.

“Mommy, I found a hole in my vulva and it’s not where my poop comes out.”

“That’s your vagina,” my mother replied matter-of-factly. “It’s the place where a baby comes out when you’re a mommy.”

My follow up questions were about how a baby gets in. Again, my mother answered my questions directly and appropriately.

“Does the Daddy put his penis in only when the Mommy wants to have a baby?”

“He puts it in other times too. It feels good,” she said.

I’m grateful that I learned about my body from a sex-positive and orgasmic mother. I felt no shame about exploring my own body. I was ready for this information because I asked the questions and my mother answered them without any of her own shame.

Fast forward several years when it was time for me to learn about menstruation. My mom encouraged me to use tampons and included them in the little kit of supplies, along with a few pads, if that was my choice. “Tampons are so much easier and not as messy,” she encouraged.

I learned early that self-penetration was acceptable. My vagina is mine first.

I like to take my first orgasm without penetration, whether playing solo or with a partner. I need to be aroused before I truly enjoy penetration.

Nothing feels as good as a penis. I prefer that my partner does the fucking. There is something very primal about being well-fucked after I’m fully aroused. I love it so much. I don’t anticipate orgasm though. I truly just enjoy the pleasurable sensation then take my orgasm after, either on my own or with my partner’s assistance.

I’ve only orgasmed once from vaginal intercourse alone. It was morning hotel sex. The bed was the perfect height. I was lying on my back at the edge of the bed with my ankles on the shoulders of my partner while he was standing in front of me as his penis moved in and out at just the right rhythm. His pubic bone hit my clit with each thrust. We had a simultaneous orgasm, another first and only time with a partner. It’s one of my favorite memories to call up as a fantasy.  I have other fantasies that include penetration too. The thought of being penetrated supports my orgasm.

Clitoral stimulation is necessary for me to orgasm. As I think back, I don’t think that I ever expected an orgasm from penetration. I certainly do enjoy it, but it’s not the main course. It’s more of an appetizer or dessert.

I typically don’t use penetration when I masturbate. When I’m enjoying a marathon session, I’m sometimes inspired to add a glass dildo or Betty’s Barbell or a vibrating silicone dildo. When I’m with a partner, I like to include penetration. Seeing a penis makes me want penetration more than when I’m by myself.

Since I have solo sex more than partner sex, I make it a point to penetrate myself with Betty’s Barbell a couple of times a month. This practice keeps my vagina healthy. I’ll penetrate myself after I’m finished having an orgasm. It feels pleasurable and that’s enough for me.

If you’d like to try vaginal penetration without the goal of orgasm, my Mindful Penetration podcast can guide you:
https://soundcloud.com/user-911690314/mindful-penetration-m4a

Anal penetration? Yes please!

I penetrated myself anally for the first time, as directed by my partner during phone sex. Really, I’m not sure that I can say “partner” because we messaged only online until we arranged our phone call. Everything was planned ahead and consensual. It felt so naughty and hot. I could hear him masturbate and orgasm while I stimulated myself to climax too. It seemed taboo in a few ways – sex with stranger, phone sex, power-exchange, anal play. It was a hot, safe way to explore.

Stimulating my anal opening is more pleasurable than my vaginal opening. I like the feeling of fullness when I leave the toy in. I don’t use dildos, just smaller size silicone plugs. Vibrating plugs stimulate the anal opening and feel great. My current partner and I usually each wear a vibrating plug that is controlled by the same remote while we’re playing together. We take turns controlling the remote. It adds to our fun.

I need to be very aroused or even take an orgasm before anal penetration. When inserting a plug, dildo, or penis, I push out a little bit to relax the ring of muscles. It’s the nerve endings at the opening that feel best, so moving the toy in and out or using one that vibrates enhances the sensation. I make sure that the toy has a wide base so it won’t completely slip inside. Oh, and good lube is important. I usually use lots of coconut oil on the toy and around my anal opening.

Bottom line, any type of penetration needs to be my choice and in my control. Arousal is necessary for me to want to be penetrated. Penetration feels amazing when I focus on the pleasurable sensation without the goal of orgasm.

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