I’ve always managed to find pleasure through mindfulness in everyday moments:

The orange and deep pink in the sky and water during a sunset

The calming sound of the water lapping at the shore.

The lemony smell of the soap as I wash my hands

The soft, warm feel of flannel sheets against my naked skin

The bold, deep taste of my first sip of coffee in the morning

Sensual pleasure is important to me. Really, opportunities for pleasure are all around me when I take the time to stop, notice, and enjoy.

My father could be described as a hedonist. I grew up watching my father enjoy listening to music of all kinds, tasting flavorful food and wine, and seeing beauty in nature and art. He took time for pleasurable moments that he found around him. He savored them all with an enthusiasm that was contagious. Watching my dad normalized the importance of pleasure.

Why is hedonism a bad word?

When I recognize something pleasurable, I endeavor to incorporate it into my daily life. After spending a night with my boyfriend, I noticed that the flannel sheets on his bed felt extra soft and cozy. “German flannel ordered from Cuddledown.com,” he told me. I went home and ordered them. They cost more than I’ve ever spent on a set of sheets. I am worthy.  This winter, whenever I climbed into bed, I felt the warm hug of those soft sheets on my bare skin. I drifted off to sleep in pleasure. This spring, I’ll return to my other favorite, cotton percale sheets that feel deliciously cool and smooth against my skin.

Enjoyment of sensual pleasures leads to enjoyment of sexual pleasure.

My senses are already tuned in to receiving pleasure. So when I rub my fingertips across my breasts or through my pubic hair, I notice how it good it feels. I close my eyes to fully appreciate the sensations when my skin is touched, whether the hand is another person’s or my own. Or maybe it’s soft fur or gentle vampire gloves.

Of course, the busy-ness of life can get in the way of noticing pleasure. It can be hard to remember to stop in the moment.

I’m going to live the rest of my life in pursuit of pleasure.

I realize that I’m privileged in many ways. I’m not rich, but I have a pension that takes care of my living expenses. I continue to work part-time but it’s completely on my terms. Bodysex is a calling, not a chore. Without a husband or children, it’s easier for me to prioritize myself. Societal expectations are lower as I age. I’m able to experience my days at a leisurely pace. All of this wasn’t possible twenty years ago when I was in the midst of my career and a busy social life.

When I was younger, I thought that pleasing others was my path to pleasure. Giving sexual pleasure to others would bring me greater pleasure. I thought that receiving sexual pleasure from another person was more valuable than the pleasure that I gave to myself. Bodysex has helped me grow into making me a priority. I know exactly what I want and what brings me pleasure. I can give pleasurable experiences to myself or ask for them.  I am much more receptive to pleasure these days. I don’t have to give first before I receive.

What will bring me pleasure right now? Pause and ask yourself that question.

For me, I took a moment to look out the window. I see the white caps on the lake rolling into the shore. I hear the waves crashing. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I feel a small tingle in my clitoris. Yes, it’s time for a break to masturbate. I give myself permission for pleasure.

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