Mine is a childfree life…

Over time I’ve come to realise that the idea of having children was driven by the societal norm of my era… it was never a desire I had… it was just what I was supposed to do in my 20s. Get married, have kids.

In my 20s and early 30s I thought there was only one choice – having children – but it was not the case. Until an older sister needed assisted reproduction support, it had never occurred to me that I couldn’t just get pregnant if I wanted to have a child.

I got married. We hit the two-year mark, and we were on epically rocky ground. The closest we got to the idea of having children was talked about under the guise of choosing the names of potential children that were based on creating novelty names. There was nothing about the joy or satisfaction of bringing children into the world. Forty years later that seems like an enormous reason not to have children. And maybe I knew it subconsciously back then too. Rather than going down the ‘having a child will save the marriage’ path – something I’d seen friends do – I decided to leave the marriage.

As it turns out, some five years later, I entered my next serious committed relationship . He was considerably older and already had children. It soon became obvious that children would not be on the cards for us, for me. The choice was gone. The door had closed, and I moved forward knowing I would live a childfree life. A life that had me focus on my career, my friends, travelling and thoroughly enjoying my life. Hindsight might offer that, having been sufficiently careless with contraception while single, that motherhood was never on the cards any which way!

Being an auntie and step parenting were the closest thing to experiencing motherhood. Yet there were regular, and often none to subtle reminders that I was ‘not a mother’ just because my partner had children.

Do I feel less of a woman, less womanly, less capable of love because I don’t have children? There have been times when I have been stung by comments from mothers of children. Those comments went along the lines of, “I’d never know true love unless I had my own child.”

The upshot? I don’t feel less womanly for not having had children at all.
My life through my 30s, 40s and 50s was a carefree life. I never thought of myself as missing out. Now approaching 60, I am revelling in my childfree being. I love my friends and chosen kin. I socialise in circles and have friends aged from 23 to 75. In discovering Betty Dodson’s work and my connection with Bodysex and its sisterhood has me feel so much more connected to my womanly sexuality and my capacity for love.

I realise with alacrity, as I write this, that I am more than enough as a woman and totally worthy of enjoying all the pleasures life has to offer. I’m taking my life by the horns and am living the rest of my childfree life focusing on supporting and empowering women to love themselves more and be able to satisfy themselves independently, and if they choose, with partners. I believe that as a woman who has never really desired or felt a connection with the “mothering instinct”, my place in other women’s lives is to be the ‘wise auntie’, the person who is interested only in them experiencing more pleasure in the world. I can support, love, encourage, care for and guide women so they can be their own provider of self-love and independent orgasms.

I’ll be doing that for and with as many women as possible.

My take, whether you’re childfree or have experienced motherhood, all women are deserving of sexual pleasure. Offering accurate and useful knowledge about enhancing pleasure for women is a true calling for me.

Your wise auntie, Jacq

Jacqui is currently in training as a Bodysex Coach. 

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