I feel a small tingle in my clitoris and an ember of desire in my body as I drink my coffee this morning. An orgasm would feel lovely right now, a great way to start my day.

Instead, I resist. My mind tells me to stick to the task at hand. I’m working on Bodysex.com, posting blogs. At 9:45, I leave for my water workout class. After that, I need to run a few errands. By the time I get home again, my feelings of desire may be gone. I could still make time to masturbate but probably won’t.  I’ll probably be hungry or tired or distracted by something else. The day will probably move on without an orgasm.

Yesterday, I had lots on my “to do” list. Instead of folding clothes or loading the dishwasher or tidying up the living room, I procrastinated. I scrolled Facebook. I watched an episode of the Amazing Race. I felt restless and stuck for hours, unable to move forward.

Finally, I found the solution in the afternoon. I masturbated. It wasn’t my first thought, as I didn’t feel any tingle of desire. My brain was disconnected from my body. I could only think about the long list of things that I needed to do. Then I remembered that I’ve been stuck like this many times before.

When I resist giving myself the pleasure that my body needs, I resist everything.

I don’t usually recognize what I need right away. I’ve been conditioned that pleasure comes after work. I’ve been told that pleasure should be the reward, an incentive to do what I don’t want to do. Experience has taught me that it doesn’t work that way.

Pleasure is the starting point, the foundation of my wellbeing.

My orgasm needs to be at the top of my “to do” list. It’s a lesson that I need to relearn when I fall into old habits.

So yesterday afternoon, even though I felt no desire, I went up to my bedroom and took off my pants. I got out my oil and wand from the nightstand. I started with a vulva massage and let my mind wander into fantasy. Touch led me quickly to arousal. It didn’t take me long to enjoy a beautiful, satisfying orgasm. After I turned off my vibrator, I laid still to enjoy the afterglow. My pelvis felt warm and my legs were tingly. My heart was beating loud and fast in my chest. I took deep breaths as my body completely relaxed. The dopamine, serotonin, and dopamine released by my orgasm made me happy. Oxytocin helped me connect with myself. This positive energy enabled me to overcome my resistance.

The rest of my day was busy. I did a load of laundry, put away clothes, and tidied up the bedroom. I had a Zoom meeting. I cooked myself dinner instead of just foraging for something easy. After dark, I went outside to enjoy the Northern Lights showing off over lake. I visited with my neighbor.

My day completely shifted after that orgasm. I was productive. I felt connected, happy, and satisfied.

Pleasure begs for more. I know that’s why I’m feeling a tingle of spontaneous desire this morning without touching myself first. My body is asking for more.

My mind tells me that I should stay with my “to do” list and check off a few things. Instead, I’m going to listen to my body. I have just enough time for a quickie before I leave for my water work out class.

It’s going to be a great day.

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