“Did you meet the hot girl with the green eyes?” “Green eyes?, I thought to myself as I ran through all the people I met during orientation. I was 14 years-old – I’d overheard this conversation while stocking shelves on the first day of my new job.
I remember gazing at my face in the bathroom mirror – which felt like the first time I’d really looked at myself – and realizing I had green eyes. They must have been talking about me?
I had grown up in a fundamentalist family where vanity was a deadly sin. My mother and grandmother used to talk about how plain I was…they would point out other girls and say, “she’s truly a beautiful girl. Boys may give you attention but that’s because you’re young and they want to touch your body”. Some families celebrate beauty and vitality. Mine sought to push down all my talents and sucker punch my self-esteem at every turn. My siblings went off to public school while I was taught at home. Science and math weren’t part of the curriculum. I could only read religious books. I was isolated, denied, and diminished. My childhood was a desert punctuated by calls to repent and violence.
My negative self-image and belief that I was unlovable defined all my early relationships….until Betty Dodson. When I showed up at Betty’s door, I was greeted by the most beautiful, clear face. Betty was open and happy – excited by the prospect of a verbal volley with ME. She focused her attention completely on my questions and I’ll never forget how broadly she smiled when she announced, “you have a quick mind”. I didn’t know what to say because I had been punished for being intelligent. Graduating from law school meant I was “worldly” – I had jeopardized my soul. Betty couldn’t hide her enthusiasm at discovering I had a law degree.
When she asked me to go into business – less than ten minutes into our interview – I said yes without a moment’s hesitation. That is the power of being seen and valued.
During our partnership, Betty built up my self-esteem. We would sit at the drawing table in her bedroom and talk politics…I could express all my thoughts…nothing was too far. We plotted…we schemed…we poked fun at each other and laughed our asses off. We’d sip cocktails, get high, visualize our future and the next wave of feminism. I felt nourished intellectually and emotionally for the first time in my life. These were great years. We had chemistry – it was visible in our Youtube clips. That mutual respect – that spark – is what powered the relaunch of Bodysex.
When I first met Betty, I was definitely over-processed. The hair – the clothes – the jewelry – Betty would say, “don’t gild the lily”. Slowly, I began to see myself as Betty saw me. I felt more comfortable without make-up. I started skipping days between the gym. We called it the “bodysex effect”. You’d take a workshop and suddenly the focus shifted from your appearance to your accomplishments. Coming from a place of abundance with how you look – loving your body – is a freedom I want all women to experience.
Betty expected a ton from me. I never questioned whether I had the ability to complete a task because Betty was waiting…impatiently…for me to be brilliant. Edit video…no problem…start a 501c3…with one hand behind my back…book international speaking circuits…I’m on it…have several orgasms on a Netflix series…as long as I’m home by Grayson’s bedtime.
Only recently have a I realized how important Betty’s high expectations were in my healing process. I think that’s the most damaging part of being born female: the world puts you in a box and the expectations are low. Betty made me feel like I was more than my face or physique. I was more than my uterus. Everything was available. My life was my own. I held all the power. It was my choice.
I miss the quiet moments most. Dancing to Cream in Betty’s living room…reading our Youtube comments in her doctor’s office…walking down 30th street on a Spring day. There were highs and there were lows but everything was better when Betty was by my side. Happy 95th “partner”.
