For as long as I can remember, I’ve been touching my vulva and feeling pleasure. My true masturbation practice began when I was around thirteen. Although I don’t specifically remember my first orgasm, I’m sure that’s when I started to masturbate regularly, usually multiple times a day. One finger on either side of my clitoral shaft, rapidly fluttering my fingers up and down, did the trick quickly and reliably. Orgasm gave me the endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin that I needed to survive my teen years. I’ve continued using it as a coping mechanism and healthy practice throughout my lifetime.

Life has taught me that regular orgasms with myself are critical. Pleasure keeps me connected with my body and grounded in self-love. I’m happy, optimistic, and more compassionate when I orgasm regularly. Although there have been times in my life when I haven’t made it a priority, I’ve learned that masturbation is a good habit.

Although my masturbation practice has changed through the years, this is what it looks like for me now, as a 68-year old woman.

Frequency:

I usually masturbate a couple of times a week, sometimes more. I’m more motivated to masturbate when I’m relaxed but not tired. after a massage or a long soak in the hot tub. If I’m tired, I don’t want to masturbate. So the best time of day for me is usually late morning or early afternoon.

If I masturbate less than once a week, I notice changes in my mood and behavior. I’m crankier, less patient, and I tend to be resistant to anything on my “to do” list. Side note: sometimes I add “masturbate” to my “to do list” and check it off first. It’s amazing how productive I am after an orgasm.

Favorite tools:

Mostly I stick with my tried and true, coconut oil and the Magic Wand. Both are easy to grab from the top drawer of my nightstand. If I want penetration, I like Betty’s Barbell or a glass dildo. I prefer to penetrate with something hard. If I’m going for a long session, I’ll add other vibrators like the Eroscillator or the Tango by We-Vibe. I prefer a deep, rumbly vibe on a low setting.

Technique:

I start with a quick vulva massage, adding coconut oil to my labia then dabbing some extra on my clitoral glans. I love the feeling of the oil melting on my warm body. It’s very rare that my body lubricates on its own, even if I’m feeling aroused before I start. Oil is a must for me.

My favorite position lately is a fully reclined goddess pose. I put the Magic Wand on the lowest setting then place it between my feet and legs spread with knees bent like a butterfly. I use my hands to position the head of the Wand on my clit, then I take my hands away. I move my body to press in and out of the wand. I use my feet to adjust the position of the Wand too. My hands are free to play with my nipples. I squeeze and release my pelvic floor muscles as I breath deeply. I tease myself to build my arousal while I think of a fantasy.

Fantasy is an important part of my masturbation practice. I have several different themes that usually (but not always) involve some kind of power exchange and discipline. I’ll try out a scene, such as a school girl sent to the principal’s office for a spanking. Or in my car having been pulled over by a police officer. Or a Victorian wife serving tea to her husband and his guest then misbehaving in some way. Or the Mormon missionary young men that knock on my door. I have a creative mind when it comes to fantasy.

So I’ll run situations in my head while I’m building my arousal. If a scene isn’t appealing this time, I try out something else, like changing to a different show on tv. Once I find a scene that I like, I’ll start adding in details. I don’t make up a whole story, just snippets. Like I’m told that I’ve been a bad girl. Bend over the desk. I feel my skirt lifted up roughly then the hard smack of a hand. Then my panties are pulled down and the spanks continue. I’m told to count each one out loud. My orgasm waves may coincide with each spank. I hear my voice counting out the waves. Sometimes I’ll say out loud what I’m thinking in my fantasy. “You are a very bad girl,” I tell myself.

Eventually, my body takes over and I focus on the pleasure that I’m feeling. I try not to orgasm, to just stay on that pleasure edge. I relax my pelvic floor muscles and breath into the sensation. But if it’s been awhile since I last orgasmed, it’s hard for me to ride the edge. I go over and orgasm more quickly.

It usually takes me anywhere between five to twenty minutes for me to reach my first orgasm, depending on how aroused I am at the start or how long it’s been since I last masturbated.

I’m often satisfied with one orgasm. I find that if I take time to build my arousal and manage to ride the edge, I can have a fairly strong orgasm with my first one. If I decide that I want more and I have time, I keep going until I feel finished.

It’s my goal to penetrate at least once a month to keep my vagina healthy as a post-menopausal woman without a partner. I usually want penetration if that becomes part of my fantasy. I’ll orgasm without penetration first, then go for another orgasm with penetration.

Afterglow

This is the best part of my practice. I always allow time to just connect with my body after an orgasm. I close my eyes and simply relax. I pay attention to how my body feels. I notice my heart beating a bit harder. My skin feels warmer and sometimes a bit dewy from sweat. I feel an inner warmth that extends from my genitals and pelvis. Sometimes I feel tingly around my ears or fingers or toes. I breath into all of these sensations and let my mind just rest, like I’m meditating or levitating. I let myself stay here for at least five minutes or often longer so that I can bathe in all of those feel-good hormones released by my orgasm. When I’m ready, I come back gently by opening my eyes, wiggling my fingers and feet, and taking deep breaths. Then I sit up and move on with my day.

I never regret taking the time to masturbate. It’s one of my healthiest habits, like water exercise or getting enough sleep at night. My body, my mind, and my mood all benefit from my regular masturbation practice.

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