Art by Betty Dodson

My mother told me about menstruation at an early age so I had been expecting it to come anytime.  In fact, I was eager to get it and looked at it as a right of passage. I was 12.5 years old, sitting in my sixth grade classroom, when I was plagued by intense cramping and an upset stomach.  I excused myself to use the restroom and when I sat down I noticed my underwear was full of thick, brown sludge.  At first I wondered how I could have shit my pants without realizing it, but then I noticed there was no smell.  My panic and confusion were quickly replaced with the staunch realization that this could be my period.  As I sat on the toilet and began wiping the brown sludge was quickly giving way to brighter red blood thus confirming that I had in fact started my period.  I clumsily stuffed my underwear full of rolled up toilet paper and made the executive decision to go to the nurses office and request to go home.

Shortly after I was picked up by my maternal grandmother who brought me home and asked if I needed help attaching the belt.  I had read Judy Blume’s ‘Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret’ so I was aware that at one time there was a belt involved, but over the years the belt had been replaced with an adhesive tape to secure it to the crotch of the underwear.  Thankfully elusive menstrual pad belt would not be something I would have to deal with.  Unfortunately the cramps I experienced that day were just a preview of what was yet to come.  Throughout my teenage years my periods were incredibly painful with heavy bleeding, nausea, and headaches.

As the years went by I tried several different birth control pills with limited effectiveness at reducing my cramps and bleeding . After I had my twin daughters at age 26 I had an IUD placed which offered me a seven year respite from my symptoms.  Unfortunately when I had my IUD replaced there were complications that led to the second IUD being removed almost immediately.  Not knowing what to do next I decided to try the Nuva ring and I had great success with it for years until one of my daughters started her period at age 10.

Apparently my daughter’s hormones were stronger than my Nuva ring, and I started having breakthrough bleeding every time she got her period! I decided to discontinue the Nuva ring as it was no longer working as intended.  I braced myself for heavy bleeding and excruciating cramps, but neither ever came.  I don’t know what changed, but now my cramps are minimal, and while my bleeding isn’t light, it’s not exactly heavy either.

My mother started menopause in her early 40’s so I’m trying to enjoy and appreciate my periods before they are gone forever.  I am 39 now so they could taper off at any time.  I no longer fear my monthly bleed and I am relieved that this round has been gentle.  At first I was upset to give up my precious Nuva ring as it gave me control over my body and allowed me to avoid my period all together, but this experience has actually been an unintended gift from my daughter to give me one last chance to embrace the essence of my femininity and find peace in a process that brought me so much pain over the years.  I am grateful and humbled to be given this opportunity at a time when I least expected it.  Now I cherish each cycle as I know that it is fleeting.

Rachel is currently in training as a Bodysex Coach. 

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