In April of 2019 I attended my first Bodysex Workshop. The months leading up to the workshop had been a whirlwind of emotions. In my personal life I was unknowingly at the very beginning of the end of my 15-year relationship. In my professional life I had officially begun the crossover from the death and dying industry to the sex industry, and had almost serendipitously stumbled upon the Dodson and Ross website. As a nurse educator and an avid member of the music festival scene I was no stranger to radical sexual expression, nudity, and the like, however everything about Bodysex Workshops sounded revolutionary to me. The workshops seemed progressive for the present time let alone for the 1970’s when betty started hosting workshops in her Manhattan apartment. By this time Betty was in her late 80’s and I knew this would likely be my only opportunity to join the circle. It was now or never.
In the months leading up to the workshop I read as much as I could about Betty and the Bodysex Rituals. I would intermittently text screenshots to my friends so we could collectively revel in what was about to ensue. The general consensus was that nobody was in the least bit surprised that I was embarking on this journey.
In the days leading up to the workshop, right up until a fully nude Carlin answered the door, I was sick with anxiety and anticipation. Thankfully one of my strongest traits is my follow through. If I say I’m going to do something I will do it regardless of any fear or apprehension. This was no exception. I knew it would be transformative, but I never could have predicted the profound effect it would have on my personal and professional life.
As soon as I sat down in the circle I felt surprisingly at ease. The women were fascinating. They were from all walks of life, all there for different reasons. I was comfortable with the women from the very beginning. There was no judgement, only compassion. We all genuinely wanted to support one another. As we went around the circle one by one sharing our personal stories I began to think this could be very different than what I was expecting, but I knew the true test would be Genital Show and Tell.
There was nervous anticipation at the start of Genital Show and Tell. As a registered nurse I had seen countless vulvas, including my own, but until that day I had never truly seen them. Each vulva was extraordinary and unique. The range in variety was unreal. Everything from the colors to the draping of the inner labia to the pubic hair were unique. We were all seeing each other and ourselves for the first time. The experience was transcendental. How could a nurse who has provided care to so many women never have truly seen a vulva until today? What else didn’t I know? What else was I missing out on? How does this artist in her late 80’s know more about the female body than people who have been formally educated in healthcare? To say my mind was blown was an understatement.
Everyone in the group seemed to enjoy Genital Show and Tell. Most of us had never looked at ourselves, or another woman, so closely. We bonded over the experience and developed an appreciation for the design of the female body. Our bodies and vulvas looked very different from what we had seen in movies and in porn, yet somehow ours were more beautiful. Even though we all had very different backgrounds, we shared many similar experiences like genital shame, body image issues, and negative sexual encounters. It became clear that a lot of the hardships women experience are universal even though they aren’t often talked about.
Later that evening when I left Betty’s home to return to my friend’s apt in Brooklyn, I was about 20 minutes into my recollection of the days events when I found out at that very moment my husband had another woman at home in our bed while our children were in the next room. Nothing can prepare you to receive news of that nature. I was on such a high from my experience in the circle that it felt cruel that he would do that to me. I had just taken a monumental step and was now knocked down to my knees. I decided I was not going to let this ruin the beautiful experience I had. The next morning I pushed the incident out of my mind, held my head high, and returned to the circle for Day 2.
In some ways the incident with my now ex-husband was a foreshadowing of the next four years where despite every opposition I remained resilient. Little did I know that not only would Bodysex open my mind to a world of new possibilities, but it would later go on to provide me with the tools for sexual independence that would carry me through a long and painful divorce. Betty knew that the cure for pain is pleasure, and that lesson continues well beyond her death.
