Self-love is an act of rebellion in the system we live in. Touching your body as a vulva haver is an act of liberation from hundreds of years of suppression. Bodysex® is for people who are ready to take full authorship over their bodies and move into experiencing pleasure.
My heart opened when I looked around the room and saw fourteen courageous and powerful women. All of them were ready to embark on their journey – a rebellious act in our society to stand up for their own pleasure and to take full authorship over their bodies including their genitals.
It was February 2023 when a group of women came together in Tenerife flying in from the United States of America, Germany, Switzerland, United Kingdom and Netherlands. The age ranged from 26 to 55 years, and all were women wanting to get themselves better, having lived through several marriages, being daughters, mothers and grandmothers. Their wisdom, courage and commitment for holding space for each other was admirable.
Everyone was welcomed in the retreat centre, which has an epic view over the Atlantic ocean and La Gomera, a neighbouring island. We came together in the garden with the sun warming our skin. It had been a long journey for most of the participants, and arriving in a new place with a group of unknown people takes up energy.
There I was feeling like a fool and inviting everyone to have a little game alongside our introductory circle. Life can be serious but there are ways to remind us of feeling light-hearted and at ease by simply playing. The game originates from the workshop I run over the past 12 years with the association Sowieso! that I founded 12 years ago. Sowieso! offers inclusive art, dance and music workshops to children and teens.
The game is very simple and a way to introduce each one to the group. The person whose turn it is has to say their name and make a gesture and a sound. The whole group repeats the gesture and the sound. The children love it because they feel seen and heard, when they see the others mirror their movement. Seeing the person express themselves through their body language gives insights into their characteristics.
The game opens a non-judgemental playground for improvised expression and a mirror seeing the effect on your immediate surroundings through your expression. As the group repeats the movements and the sounds, everyone starts feeling in their bodies.
Humour is such an important tool when we try to make changes happen. It eases the mind and allows us to step back from taking ourselves too seriously. Also it provides possibilities to connect to others. This is very important in retreats like ours, as the participants transform belief systems that have conditioned them and reset values about their experience in their bodies and with their pleasure.
At our retreats we create a holistic experience. In the mornings there are self-love rituals including breath work, meditation, yoga, massage, journaling and smudging. Followed by abundant, delicious and healthy brunches and dinners.
The brunches are colourful eruptions of flavours and textures, made from high quality fruits, veggies and grains. All meals are vegan, veggie, gluten-free, nut-free and tasted and looked heavenly made with love for our goddesses.
On the second day we came together in our first Bodysex® session. Beatrice shared information about the female anatomy of the vulva, vagina, clitoris, pubococcygeus muscle, urethral sponge and the erectile tissue. She showed us diagrams of the development of the female and the male genitals, as a basis to discuss the differences. We talked about the female model of sexual arousal and the female erectile tissue, which can take up to 20 – 30 minutes of genital stimulation to be fully aroused.
At this point many women in the circle had questions and `Aha´ moments with great relief, as they had finally been given the information that opened up new pathways to understand their genitalia. Many women believe there is something wrong because they don’t orgasm, or believe they are deformed or hold shame around feeling sexual. We are never the problem. The root of our misconception of our bodies and our connection to our sexual selves is the conditioning, which was passed on to us by our families, friends, lovers and through religious upbringing.
In our sharing circle we ask and answer the following questions:
How do you feel in your body?
How do you feel about your orgasms?
If you like, take 10 minutes right now and write down in first person how you feel.
Always keep in mind to stick to the experiences you had and how they impacted your feelings about your body and your orgasms. This is about you and how experiences made you feel and how influences of other people changed or influenced how you felt and how you are feeling right now.
Us, the facilitators – Beatrice, Céline and myself shared our stories first. The stories of the women opened up stories about the history of women. When listening to the intimate and honest stories, which most of them have never shared in front of anyone else, then I know it is a sacred moment for healing. A non-judgemental space for the stories of women speaking about their inner truth of abuse and its impact on their bodies. Some women brought up the topic of feeling numbness in their genitals, which can happen through experiencing trauma and shutting down. The Bodysex® method has been designed to support women connect to their bodies and orgasm to heal shame, enhance pleasure, and encourage selflove.
„The more we touch, the more we feel.“
In our circles we hold space to hear and empathise each woman’s story and assure them that THEY are the experts of their own body and pleasure. Sisterhood supports the well being of each member and recognizes that each woman is capable of healing herself. Pleasure is an embodied practice in which one follows what feels good and checking- in with yourself. It‘s a journey of re-learning to feel and adapt your own touch, so it feels good.
The next day we arrived naked in the circle. The sight of our different bodies and shapes is a very soothing one, as we see the immense diversity and beauty. The women are excited and surprised to find themselves in a space with other naked women and feeling how this feels slightly awkward at first but is a lot of fun.
Genital show and tell is a ritual in which every woman has her own personal date with her beautiful vulva and everyone else is witnessing this moment full with awe. In all the rituals the facilitator goes first. I laid comfortably and opened my legs with a lamp shining onto my vulva. The women make a small half-circle right opposite of me, so they can take a close look. I introduce Ona – that´s my vulva´s name and guide them through the different parts.
My role is to be a mother, big sister or friend when comforting the woman next to me as we discovered the artfully crafted vulva. The other women are her witnesses of her self-discovery. The mood is soft and attentive as we immerse ourselves into a sacred transitory state of self-discovery.
Each woman opens her gates and with each shape and form healing happens naturally, as layers of shame and misbeliefs fall off. Most women have never seen their own vulva in the light, nor have they seen other vulvas. At our retreat every woman was invited to see thirteen live vulvas. An exhibition showing universes of shapes, colour, textures accompanied by their personal and unique flavours and stories. The ritual never gets boring because there are infinite sculpted works of arts to be discovered for the first time. By the end of the ritual everyone felt beyond what words can explain and gratefulness towards the other women in the circle for having shared this experience.
Barbara Carrellas wrote in her book „Ecstasy is necessary“ about the necessity of feeling safe when one takes risks. Breaking out of belief systems or overcoming shame can feel scary, fragile, risky, dangerous, sad and any emotion or feeling might rise to the surface to protect the wounded from getting re-victimised.
A path to overcome a feeling of shame around our body and pleasure can be to expose ourselves to a place of the unknown. Again I‘m referring to a safer and non-judgemental space, which is being held for you to cross boundaries that are limiting for self-expression. In a moment of great discomfort we might not be able to differentiate between feeling good or bad, because we are going for the experience rather than sticking to what feels known.
Again feeling safe is the basis for taking risks.
Bodysex® is a space for pleasure and we don’t provide trauma therapy but we hold space for any emotion to be welcome. It is a very fine line between facing emotions that come up and not being swept under and instead choosing (!) to move through trauma by taking full authorship over one’s own body and understanding we are whole and not broken.
Self-love is an act of rebellion in the system we live in. Touching your body as a vulva haver is an act of liberation from hundreds of years of suppression. Bodysex® is for people who are ready to take full authorship over their bodies and move into experiencing pleasure.
As the retreat progressed, every woman’s facial features softened and relaxed.
The group was excited on day 3 as we gathered for the masturbation session termed „Erotic Recess“, in which we demonstrated Betty Dodson’s Rock’n’Roll technique and masturbated for two to three hours. Bodysex® is a technique focussed on the root of female sexuality and working with clitoral stimulation and vaginal circulation plus adding the breath, sounding, , rocking of the pelvic floor and activating the PC muscle.
Every woman has a designated space in the circle with her own floor chair, mattress, tray with all the necessary tools such as a Barbell, a Magic Wand, a Condom, a box of tissues and a dispenser with sweet almond oil.
A circle of masturbating women is an ancient ritual that has been practised over thousands of years. Céline explained the women through the Rock’n’Roll technique. Each woman could fully concentrate on her own body and was guided through the new technique.
The sacred beauty of a circle of women self-pleasuring is inexplicable and has to be experienced. Each woman dropped into her soothing place of loving self-touch. Time transformed into a red velvet gown draping the space in its warm light. The joy of sharing pleasure and womanhood felt natural and unforgettable. As the orgasmic sounds circulated through space and more women surrendered into bliss states, letting go, whilst others enjoyed the taste of sweet strawberries and shared chats.
I thank each and every woman who has joined us for this wonderful experience of togetherness. I’m deeply touched and grateful for the honesty that we shared and your openness to embark on your journey of moving through shame into a deep experience of self-knowledge and self-love.
Please keep walking the paths by furthering your exploration and being open to feeling where pleasure and bliss takes you.
Always remember you can come again!
Keep check-in with what feels good to you at each moment. Live your divine goddess. Take time everyday for your self-love practices.
Sending you light and love.
Forever grateful for our shared experience.
Yours,
Anna @uncompromising_orgasmic_life
