So how do I feel about my body?
A body which has been with mine for the last 40 years… A body that gave birth to my son, the body that is constantly changing and keeps surprising me all the time. Now after many years of practicing sexuality and working on self-love and self-appreciation, I can say I am proud and grateful for my body/to my body for having it, as beautiful as it is now. But it was not always the case. It was a journey and work on healing, self-acceptance, and self-appreciation. Today I can freely run naked through the beach, sunbathing on nudist beaches, and feel free, free with myself and free in my body…
But it was not always like this. Since I was a teenager, I was confident with most parts of my body… I had everything you could dream of except… except for beautiful breasts. I was in late puberty, so most of my girlfriends already had a period and nice, perky breasts and mine came only when I was 14. But they were small and hardly visible through the clothes, and all the bras were too big (even if I asked for the smaller size), so I was looking at them with disappointment. Other girls could wear those sexy t-shirts and nice open-decollate dresses, and I was not. What was nice about them though, is that although they were small, they were always very sensitive and nicely responding to the stimulation (only now I learned that breast/nipples are directly connected with the clitoris).
The situation changed when I got pregnant with my son. WOW, they finally started to grow and for the first time, I could experience how it is to have beautiful, full perky breasts. It allowed me to feel more feminine and confident. But my happiness did not last too long, as after I gave birth, I was breastfeeding, and as a result, my breasts lost all the sensitivity they had, not to mention they came back to their previous small size again…
The situation changed again only when I became 40 – my breasts became bigger and fuller and I really became proud of them. And when I ask myself a question: why? What has happened or changed? Well…probably everything has changed. I have changed. Through the last few years, I have spent a lot of time in Tantra, Tao, and Bodysex working to accept and appreciate my body and myself. I stopped wearing a bra years ago, and it was the best decision I could take for my breasts (well, and of course, my hormones might have changed after I turned 40, so it might help a bit 😊).
What is shifting perspective and energy in my breasts, is the fact I do dedicate time for them and do the massage a few times per week. While touching my breast I send them loving energy, I accept them as they are and I am grateful. Grateful they were nurturers for my son, and helped me feed him and grow to a healthy boy. I finally started to love them and appreciate them. The more attention I give them, the fuller they become and I feel more sexy and feminine. When we touch or caress our body, and breasts, we send them a signal that they are loved and taken care of. Ancient wisdom of Tao calls the breast ‘cauldrons’ where we mix our virtues, and emotions and transform them into compassion. And I would have never expected, that simple breast massage could be such a deep and profound practice. My dream came true, or I made it come true. My partner started to compliment me constantly for such a nice breast!
How do I feel about my orgasm?
For me, orgasm is a very powerful thing. I was always orgasmic, even multi-orgasmic (every woman is multiorgasmic), but my orgasms were clitorial only. The breakthrough moment in my orgasmic journey was the discovery of vibrators. It was 2018. I did not think about vibrators before, because for me they were associated with dirty toys, which are used in porn… not what a ‘good girl’ should use or have. Only after I started to study sexuality more in detail, I did discover how much I was impacted by my religion (Catholicism) and social stereotypes. I shifted the paradigm of vibrators, from being porn sex toys to becoming one of the best and most basic tools every woman should have and use. I heard about vibrators (as a positive thing) while being in a women’s workshop in Turkey in 2018. I called my husband from there and asked him: ‘Please buy me a vibrator – the best one you can get, I want to try it out as soon as get home’. He read all possible reviews online and chose to buy me a ‘rabbit’ vibrator. He said it is designed for blended orgasms (clitoral and G-spot stimulation) and got good ratings… When I came back home, I got a beautiful gift – a green Lelo vibe. I did not know vibrators can look so nice and can be made of such a high-quality, soft material. It was for the first time, that I could actually experience a deep orgasm, coming from vaginal penetration and stimulation of the G-spot area combined with clitoral stimulation. This is what really makes a difference if we talk about orgasm, and this is exactly what Betty Dodson’s teachings are about (now we teach it in our Bodysex workshops, but I did not know about Betty yet). What I discovered more, is that I like to use a vibrator after we have sex, so I can get it off and continue on my ‘orgasmic surf’, catching the waves one by one. This orgasmic freedom and pleasure allow me to use my feminine potential of being a multiorgasmic woman, following endless orgasmic experience – that is totally opposite to men’s sexual pattern of one orgasm at a time.
