I’ve been orgasmic since a young age. Before I knew what was happening in my body. Luckily, I had parents who were sex positive and never shamed me for touching myself. Young kids are caught touching themselves, and for young girls, this often is their first experience with shame. This set me up for a life in synch with pleasure, and for that I am more grateful than any of the other privileges I’ve been gifted.

As I got older, I took my orgasm for granted. I would have the same tense body orgasm for many years until I understood the importance of building up and began to connect the brain to the body. Now I have a better grasp on what turns me on. And how my self-love sessions are limitless, unbound to the constrictions of partner sex.

I prefer to watch porn that consists of men masturbating solo. I love to watch people orgasm. I realized that watching women meant a suspension of disbelief and that most women in pornography are catering to a male gaze. Men touch themselves to orgasm and never compromise what is needed to do so. I let that inspire me to be similarly uncompromising and unrelenting in my pursuit of what feels best in my body.

My orgasm varies based on which toy I reach for by my bedside. Lately, I’ve been loving the mini Hitachi wand. It’s easier to use in partner sex as the full size can be cumbersome. I’ll mix that with my small rose clit suction device. Usually, I don’t love clit suction, but the rose vibrator toy is unique in both vibration and suction. I have a variety of lubricants that I incorporate into my self-love routine. The OMG cream from Wisp contains sildenafil, a popular erectile dysfunction medication. Initially, I noticed the cream decreasing sensation but heightening orgasm. I’m always seeking more and unique ways to experience pleasure in my body and mind.

My dear friend created a lube that combines THC and peppermint oil, and I find that it is best used in partner sex. Penetration can be painful for me. I need to be adequately turned on before and during. If I’m going to be having penetrative sex for a while, I’ll reach for that lube as it takes away the pain and anxiety that comes from painful penetration. Before, in my 20s, I dealt with painful penetration and saved my orgasms for myself. Sharing orgasms with a partner has been new territory. But, I realize that most men are ok with toys and lube. And if they aren’t, there’s always one around the corner who does.

Now, in my 30s, I understand the importance of arousal and orgasm with or without a partner. I write erotica that speaks to my unique fantasies. And I’ll dedicate an afternoon to pleasuring myself. Once you are devoted to yourself, you are less likely to compromise your freedom in the world of dating, that’s become convoluted and jaded. It takes me no time at all to orgasm. This aligns with the research into orgasm that Carlin spoke about. The challenge for someone like me, then, is to really take the time to have a full-body orgasm.

I think that orgasms are moments of pure present-moment awareness. We spend all day on devices or searching for alternative means to distract ourselves. When you have an orgasm, you are purely aware and experiencing a moment of bliss and release. This is a rarity in today’s digital age. I’ll build up to an orgasm and then relax my muscles instead of tensing. I realize now that I have an endless supply of pleasure that won’t diminish as I age. The clitoris is ageless. If I happen to have one orgasm quickly, tensing my muscles, I realize another orgasm is well within my grasp. This sets us apart from men who have similar struggles. We all want to tense and experience the pleasure now with less patience. We aren’t living in a patient moment as a culture.

Taking time for ourselves often takes a back seat to errands, household chores, work, and family responsibilities, especially as women. Men have us beat when it comes to prioritizing their pleasure. How can we catch up? How can we be uncompromising? After all, we could spend all day having orgasms and only stop once we reach physical exhaustion. And we are designed that way for a reason. There is no more effective way to relieve pain and emotional distress. I think I stay in relatively good health primarily because I have connected my brain to my body to my clitoris. I encounter women daily who are burdened with stress and anxiety. I find myself wondering how connected they are to their body.

If I were a bolder, more audacious person, I might ask the question. How is your relationship with your body and with your orgasm? I might one day decide not to care about the social fallout of asking such questions. After all, my orgasm sparks my creativity and motivates me to continue suffering through the daily grind. I cannot imagine life without orgasm. I can no longer imagine partner sex without orgasm. Orgasms are my moments of pure bliss, and though fleeting, have long-term effects on my health and disposition. When people at work or school tell me I am a positive person, I want to say that’s why. Maybe one day I will.

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