How do I feel about my body?

Thanks to Bodysex, today I can say that I love my body unconditionally. However, that doesn’t mean that I always like everything about my body.

At 65, my latest challenge is finding patience with my aging body. Every decade has brought its changes. Overall, my body has served me well. Now it’s starting to wear out. I can’t move as fast and I’m less agile. My muscles ache when I get up after sitting for too long. I need special glasses when I’m working at the computer because my eyes get blurry with too much screen time. I don’t like all these things, but here I am. I’m finding my acceptance.

I was recently diagnosed with some health issues that will likely progress if I don’t address them now.  I realize that I feel shame, as if I could have prevented these conditions that my mother, father, both grandmothers and grandfathers, and great-grandparents experienced as they aged. Even my 23andMe genetics report predicted it via my DNA. Part of me wants to keep my conditions a secret, especially from my family members who passed on their own shame to me. Speaking my truth is the best way to release shame, so I’ll choose courage and name them here: I’m pre-diabetic and have a fatty liver.

Do I want to go wind back the years to younger version of myself? Really, no. Aging has its benefits. I give fewer fucks about what others think. I prioritize myself without guilt. I’ve accumulated experience and knowledge that has given me greater wisdom. Aging is a privilege. I’m especially reminded of that when I hear about the death of anyone younger than me. I’ve already outlived my own mother, who died at 64.

My goal right now is to support my body in being healthy and functional. I’m eating good, whole foods that I prepare. I cut out consuming alcohol and I’m limiting sugar for the time being. My biggest challenge is to engage in some type of movement every day. Since retiring from my first career, I’ve become too sedentary. I’m prioritizing rest when my body feels tired. I’m choosing to stay lovingly connected with my body instead of disconnecting or punishing my body in an attempt to make it a “better” model.

Perfection isn’t a pre-requisite for love. It’s possible to still be in love in my imperfect, aging body. She has always showed up for me. My body isn’t just a vessel to serve my brain.  My body IS me.  I am grateful for all parts of me.

How do I feel about my orgasm?

I masturbated this morning and had a quick, smallish tension orgasm. I have a big “to do” list for today but still wanted to prioritize my pleasure.

My orgasm left me wanting more, like having a small snack that wasn’t enough to quell my hunger. That’s okay. This morning’s “quickie” fueled my desire for another self-love session later. I love it when I take the time for an afternoon of masturbation. My orgasms are so much more satisfying when I put in the time and work for them. I can keep building up more orgasm energy when I allow at least an hour or more. I gather a few favorite vibes and dildos, make sure that I have plenty of oil, and have water by my side. I may put on some inspirational music and light a candle that smells good.  I stimulate my body slowly so that I can build up my erection. I can have as many orgasms as I desire until I feel full and completely satisfied.

I love all my orgasms, from small and sweet to big and full-bodied. I appreciate whatever “comes.” Bodysex enabled me to develop a more informed masturbation practice. I can have an orgasm whenever I want one. Sometimes they are small and “snack sized.” Sometimes they are numerous and intense. When I take my time, it’s like a multi-course meal. I appreciate each course. Every orgasm nourishes my body, my mind, and my well-being. I am grateful for each one.

I plan to use orgasm to support my aging body, just as Betty did. She lived until age 91, despite experiencing health issues as she aged. Orgasm energy is positive and healing. Pleasure will help me appreciate and stay connected to my body.