When did I feel disconnected from my body and/or orgasm? Most of my life.
I was kidnapped by a man the summer before my 21st birthday. I had performed that evening at a dinner theater and the deranged middle aged rapist actually believed that I was in real life the flamboyant, sensual role I had played on stage. It took me four months to escape the abduction. The sexual, emotional, and physical violence he inflicted was unimaginable. But that is a story for another kind of blog.
I tell you this story up front because sexual assault and violence against women is common in our world and we need to call it what it is – a heinous crime. I also hope that other women will be encouraged to know it is possible to reconnect again to your body, your orgasm, and your heart.
Through out the last four decades, I have sat in various individual and group therapy sessions, learning how to get back in touch with my body and my feelings. I also began a meditation practice called centering prayer, which enabled me to reclaim my spirit, wholeness, and basic goodness.
What really put me back in touch with my amazing body’s ability to orgasm was Bodysex.
Feeling depressed and alienated during the 2020 pandemic, I randomly came across Carlin and Betty’s YouTube channel and was immediately pulled into their laughter, playfulness, and commitment to self-love. I took a deep dive journaling class from Laura where I wrote and shared many stories related to intimate relationships, sensuality, pleasure, healing, and sexual agency. Creating a chronological timeline of my sexual experiences and behaviors was eye-opening. I was off on an amazing adventure! Joining other women from across the world at a Bodysex retreat, led by Carlin and Laura, also empowered me.
The key practice that enabled me to re-connect with my body and orgasm was vulva massage.
Initially, I thought it was “too messy” and just took too much effort. Now I love this self-love time, which I prioritize at least twice a week. The silky pure coconut oil nourishes and nurtures my sweet Luna, the name I gave my vulva at the last Bodysex retreat. Sometimes I take 5 or 10 minutes to massage the remaining oil from my hands onto my naked body after I orgasm. I feel tenderly connected to all the women who have entered into this loving Ayurvedic ritual of abhyanga for thousands of years.
Connecting to my body and orgasm require attention to my body and intention to care for myself.
One dynamic I have noticed over the years is that following the kidnapping, which resulted in multiple assaults, I stopped singing professionally. Vocal music has not been a part of my life for many years. I don’t even sing in the shower!
This last summer, I tried to sing in a church choir. To the utter dismay of my fellow vocalists, I sang and sobbed through the entire chorale program. I believe the tears mean that I am still trying valiantly to find my voice. Writing this blog is helping me do that. Our stories as orgasmic and pleasure-filled women are important and we must continue to tell them.
Joy is a creative artist, writer, and political activist living in northern California. She is currently enrolled in the Bodysex Experience Course and hopes to share what she is learning with other women and men.
A note on Joy’s pen name: “When I became part of the Bodysex community, I changed my given name of Joyce to JOY, because I am truly now a more joyful woman since connecting to my body and orgasm!”
