In a Bodysex workshop we start out answering these two questions: How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about your orgasm? It is a great way to open! The leader starts sharing, and one by one each participant continues. The leader holds space, and then we all invest in making the circle inclusive and safe. Not only for the days of the workshop but for years of sisterhood to come. 

The first time I participated in a Bodysex workshop, the other women’s answers to the opening questions made up for a great aha moment for me: I was able to identify with each of them. No matter the background, no matter age, no matter body style. The circle leader, the assistant, and the participants. We had so much in common. We had signed up for Bodysex because we were looking for more fun and pleasure. We were fed up with whatever guilt and shame we had internalized. We were ready to do the work needed for healing. And we longed to become part of a sex-positive and supporting experience. After having shared our answers to the opening questions, the circle was already stronger connected than most groups of friends will ever be. Some tears had fallen. Laughter had been shared too. We were vibrant and excited for what we were going to explore together. Betty Dodson designed it, and she was the master of promoting change. Within the first hour of the Bodysex workshop the circle had been turned into a rebellious sisterhood!

I came to my first Bodysex circle because I wanted to continue to explore my own sexuality. I was looking for inspiration and role models. I wanted to talk about body and sex. I also wanted to become a great lover. I still remember how nervous I was when it became my turn to answer the opening questions. Here I was, sharing stuff with strangers, stuff I had not even fully shared with my partner. But I did it and it felt good. I shared that I, since my teenage years, had thought that fun sex was for beautiful women. Not for chubby girls like me. With my big body I did not deserve to have fun. So, despite having partnered with an attractive man for most of my adult life, I had hidden my deepest sexual longings. For him, and actually also for myself. And it had made me feel wrong and lonely. I also told the circle that I, lately, had realized that my story was similar to many other women’s stories. Not same-same. But some of the same. Different shades of the same. In midlife, I had finally figured out that my struggles were merely another example of the price most women pay for being a woman. Why? Because we live in a world where we from childhood are told that a woman’s body can never be pretty enough. And also because we are taught that the male sexual response model is what sex is about. Standing up for our own body and sex is therefore not part of women’s default behavior.

After listening to the other women answering the opening questions, I had never been more aware of the common nature of my problem. Nothing was wrong with my body size. What was wrong was that my body had become culturally repressed. And instead of fighting against the repression, I had assimilated into the male sexual response model. My goal had been about my male partner’s pleasure. My own pleasure was the lucky side effect. And for a long time I had been happy and felt appreciated and connected. But in the end, I had missed out on living my sexlife to it’s fullest. Because I had forgotten to have fun on my terms. And now I wanted change. I wanted to do the Betty Dodson thing: Run the Fuck. For my sake, and also for my partner’s. I was convinced that we both had suffered from my lack of being passionately selfish. The circle listened. Clearly, I was not the only one who had fallen into the trap of forgetting and ignoring my own wants. I was one of many. And right there, naked and vulnerable, I thought of my self as being a super brave sex positive warrior. We had an independence war to fight. The women in the circle were now enlisted. Body. Sex. Pleasure doesn’t come for free. 

Since my first Bodysex workshop, I have answered the two opening questions many times. My answers have never been the same but there has been a parallel pattern in the development of my answers. How do I feel about my body? Over time, my feeling about my body has gone from tormenting shame to friendly acceptance to pure gratefulness. How do I feel about my orgasm? Over time, my feeling about my orgasm has gone from occasional randomness to intentional explorative to abundant pleasure. Un-learning bigotry and shredding the cultural repression of my body have cleared my road to playful sex.