I’ve wanted to be a part of Bodysex for the past 35 years, even without ever really knowing what it meant. At 19 years old, I was sitting with my mother watching an episode of HBO’s Real Sex. It was the Betty Dodson “Sex for One” pilot episode that aired in 1990, although at that time I had no knowledge of who this brazen woman was or what she represented. All I could remember was us giggling together when the camera panned in one of the women’s legs trembling during her orgasm. We looked at each other and had a, “been there, done that,” moment together. It was an introduction to women’s group masturbation; one that planted a seed of interest in me that would span over three decades. I went on with life assuming that this circle of women and their activity was out of my reach, in a city far from where I existed, and only in my imagination could I return to the memory of what I had seen. Life continued and over the next several years, I grew up, fell in love, got married, started a business, and had a child. We celebrated our love, pleasure and successes together right up until the time that it no longer was. In what felt like the flip a coin, I lost my husband to a narcotic drug addiction, sold the business, got divorced, and took full custody of our toddler son. My existence had slipped into pure survival mode with pleasure being the farthest priority; and although I had grown up frequently masturbating to orgasm and had been orgasmic with my husband, the act had become as rare and obsolete as finding love again, itself. My first sense of Bodysex was a want and now it had become an unknown need.

Fast-forwarding to the summer of 2021, I was remarried and enjoying a wonderful life with my current husband. We had the experience of many years together and a bond greater than any love I had ever imagined. I reveled in the closeness we shared during our lovemaking, but somehow the intimacy carried a dull tinge of missing what once was so long ago before I knew a reason to fear loss. And although I had finally stepped out from under the weight of single parenthood, masturbation remained a rare act for me with orgasms during partner sex being even more scarce. One long weekend after Covid restrictions were lifted, we had several friends in town for a visit. At some point, I commented about the women’s group masturbation circle I had seen and how it was my dream to be included in the practice. And then as fleeting as the first time, life continued with nothing but an interest remaining. It wasn’t until Cleveland of November, 2024, when I’d made my way into the workshop circle that I discovered that very seed of longing for this moment had been planted all those years ago by Betty, herself – it was there that I learned the Real Sex episode was Betty and her work. Only months prior, I had searched “women’s masturbation circle” and came across the Bodysex website. Without thought or hesitation, I immediately signed up for the event with Carlin and Laura – my dream was coming true; it was finally happening!

With 35 years of eagerly anticipating such an extraordinary experience, it was much to my surprise that the morning of the first day’s events, I was in a complete state of nervousness to the point of feeling physically ill. So much so that I didn’t know if I was going to be able attend. Getting naked and masturbating in front of a group of women hadn’t seemed to be a problem for me; getting naked and masturbating while worrying about the real possibility of shitting myself – that was a hurdle I hadn’t considered. I decided that I wasn’t going to let a few butterflies get in the way of my newfound sisterhood – after all, this was my time and I had come so far/waited so long for it. I marched up to the clerk of a nearby drugstore and placed a box of Imodium AD down on the counter like I was revealing four aces in hand with a smile that few would have when making such a purchase. I almost wanted her to inquire so I could share in the pride of my problem-solving and conviction to carry through.

Sitting in the circle across from Carlin and Laura surrounded by the other attendees, I felt like I had always belonged there. It had been a calling for me and I was finally home. I truly enjoyed learning about each woman’s body and story while they exposed themselves in every way possible. Sharing my own with them came with the same comfort and ease; stories of my childhood growing up amongst a small group of female friends who shared a similar intimacy – exploring each other’s bodies and our discovery of orgasm from the swimming pool jets. It was the reminder of what once was mine – my faithful relationship with my vulva and my beloved orgasm. They had carried me through all aspects of adolescence and into my adulthood until that fateful time in my life when I tucked it away; placed on a shelf in the back of my mind, forgetting its significance and only bringing it to light as occasionally as each holiday within the year. This reawakening was my Bodysex a-ha! moment. How had I forgotten how impactful this was? At the end of the workshop as we were closing the circle, Carlin asked each of the women to make a promise to ourselves. Mine was simple – I promised myself that no matter what came in life to never put my pleasure on the shelf to be forgotten again. For many women, the Bodysex circle is an introduction to orgasm; for others, it’s a reclaiming.

Naomi is currently in training as a Bodysex Coach. 

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