What does a real orgasm sound like? My personal story about discovering the difference between authentic pleasure sounds and what porn has taught us to expect.

The Moment I Discovered My Real Orgasm Sound

His head was between my legs.

“That’s it. That’s the sound I’ve been waiting for,” he whispered, kissing my inner thigh.

My hips arched up, then my body released, and a low, deep, and husky moan rolled out of me. Afterward, I asked him, “What sound do you mean?”

“You make a sound when you really let go,” he said. “That’s how I know you’re there. I don’t stop until I hear it.”

I was stunned. How could he recognize my real orgasm better than I could?

That moment woke something up in me. I realized I was disconnected from my body and outsourcing my pleasure. I had to learn how to give it to myself. I wanted to know what my own body sounded like.

How Self-Pleasure Helped Me Become Multi-Orgasmic

Soon after that, I started a self-pleasure practice because I wanted to get to know my own body. I started small, focusing on breath, sound, and sensation. No goals, just being present with my body.

At first, the orgasms were soft, more like ripples than waves. Over time, I began to recognize the orgasm signs: the way my breath would pause for a second, then escape in a moan I didn’t plan. My belly would soften, my thighs would tremble, and a warm pulse would move through my vulva like a waterfall. The way my hips would lift up, then rock against the bed. The way a deep, guttural sound would rise from my belly without permission.

I know I’m having an orgasm when everything inside me opens and lets go. My mind is thought-free. I’m connected to my body, riding a wave of “damn that feels so good!” Plus, there’s a rising heat, bubbles under my skin, and then that signature sound, the one I used to miss, rising from deep within me. Deep, guttural moans, not the high-pitched sounds of porn. This is what my body actually sounds like when it’s real.

Alone, I became multi-orgasmic. I could feel the small ones, the ones that come in layers. I could stay connected to my body, not just to reach a peak, but to enjoy everything that came before and after. But partnered pleasure was a different experience.

Partnered Orgasms

With a partner, it feels different. I no longer aim for orgasm. I trust my body will give me orgasms, so I aim to feel. I move, breathe, and allow myself to be in the moment. If I need to pause, I ask for a break. If my mind wanders to to-do lists or worry, I return to my hips, to sensation instead of thought. That grounds me instantly.

I make sounds with my partner. I don’t hold my breath. Sometimes it’s words. Checking in, asking for what I need. Sometimes it’s moans that build as sensation builds. Even while enjoying his penis, I moan or release genuine ahhs and ohhhs.. My being verbal and visceral is feedback in the moment. Making sounds keeps me present and anchored in my body and fuels my partner’s excitement.

All of the sound supports the journey toward my erotic voice in that moment. I’ve stopped performing. I’ve stopped worrying about how long I take or how I look. I trust my body. I trust myself. And, most importantly, I allow myself to be heard, which is my most vulnerable and authentic self-expression. 

What I Wish More Women Knew

I wish someone had said sooner: when something feels good during sex, make sounds. Release your erotic voice and stop trying to sound like porn girls.

I wish we were taught what our vulvas actually look like, what arousal feels like, and sounds like. That self-pleasure isn’t dirty or selfish.

I wish we had learned that orgasms aren’t supposed to be forced, faked, or earned. They’re not rare or reserved. Orgasms don’t have to look a certain way or happen only with a penis/partner. Also, partnered sex isn’t the gold standard. Partnered sex is one way to play and connect, and not superior to solo sex.

Why didn’t anyone say the most crucial part: sexual pleasure and satisfaction is a nervous system resource. It’s medicine. As a coach, I now teach what I know. These truths are things we should have learned in high school.

What I Know Now

This journey taught me to stop policing my orgasms. These days, I don’t ask, “Was that real?” I don’t chase ‘the big one.’ I don’t wait for someone else to ‘unlock’ me. I already have the keys.

I know what orgasm feels like in my body: a wave, a buzz, a breath, a deep yes. Each orgasm gets to be its own. Sometimes it’s full-bodied. Other times it’s quiet and internal. My sounds range too, deep one moment, squeaky or giggly the next. I’ve stopped judging my sexual voice. It’s always mine.

At 40+, my sex life is juicy. I have at least one orgasm – usually more – every time, alone or partnered. Not because I’m lucky, but because I’ve built a relationship with my vulva. I understand my pleasure anatomy and connect with my body. I know how to listen.

When I’m listening, what do real orgasms sound like? They sound like me. And my authentic erotic voice turns me on. Alone, I’m turned on by my own sounds. Partnered, my sounds turn us both on. Because pleasure isn’t a performance. It’s a practice. Real orgasm is the gift of being fully present in my own body.

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