It is so funny that I never thought while exploring my body as a young teen, that putting my fingers in my vagina or using a tampon was self-penetration. Well, of course it was. I eventually explored self- penetration with makeshift dildos such as empty roll-on deodorant bottles. I used lubricated condoms and that facilitated pleasurable penetration. However, this was pre-internet and finding reliable information on female sexual pleasure was not readily available in my world and school sex education only addressed reproduction and sexual pleasure was not even alluded to. I don’t even remember during university biology or physiology learning about the clitoral system and female pleasure.  OMG, my enforced ignorance interfered with my sexual pleasure for years as I tolerated on and off burning sensations during penetration.

In one of my rare discussions about sex that I had with other young women, I was informed how first-time penetration hurts and the honeymoon is nothing but painful. This seemed very bizarre. Why the pain?  Why would I want to have sex with penetration if it is painful?

It didn’t sound right to me. So, when I was preparing for my first partner sex experience, I did what I thought was logical, I practiced self penetration with an empty clean roll-on deodorant bottle. Then I went to the doctor to have them see if my hymen was obstructing my vaginal opening. I wonder why I just didn’t take a mirror and just look?  I had been using tampons for years so of course I could penetrate myself painlessly.  Yup, no intact hymen because it naturally thins over time and tears, or can break from everyday activities or inserting a tampon. 

I was in my late thirties when I noticed a change in tissue  at the base of my vagina opening.  Penis penetration burned so I added more K-y jelly. That helped a bit, but not much. I ended up having several biopsies which were all negative for yeast, lichen sclerosus and cancer. I was prescribed clobetasol which is a potent topical steroid, it helped with the burning and itching, however, the cream dried out the vaginal skin. Note to self: creams dry, ointments although messy, moisturize. I was fortunate that the steroid cream did help to lessen the symptoms.

During my gynaecological exam, he made the comment that I had vaginal atrophy. They seemed puzzled that a 38-year-old female would present with vaginal atrophy. Well, I know now over 25 years later, that should have been a clue that I was perimenopausal (decrease in estrogen can induce vulva dryness, irritation and itching) and intervaginal estrogen probably would have saved me a lot of years of suffering (hindsight really is 20/20).  Many years later, I asked for a prescription of intervaginal estrogen. I found estrone intervaginal cream very irritating/burning to my vaginal tissues. The cream had an odour as it broke down, so I only used this product very sparingly to avoid the above side effects.  Recently, I changed to intravaginal bioidentical estrogen. Glad to report a significant decrease in skin irritation, nl malodour and am finding it is effective in plumping up genital tissues. Youthful genitals tissue equates to pleasurable penetration and that’s the whole point.  But Holy Moly, it has taken persistent trial and error to solve this problem.

Back-tracking a bit here…  Before I had my gynaecological appointment, I looked into some over the counter products to stop the burning and itching including antifungals (didn’t work because the cause was not a fungal), products with lidocaine, however, after reading the labels, it was clear to me that some of these products could exacerbate my problem and even had the potential to cause a chemical burn. Ouch no thank-you. 

Other Things I Found Helpful to Facilitate Pleasurable Penetration

My Don’ts

The things I don’t do anymore: don’t use mini pads especially scented ones, don’t soak in the tub, don’t use fabric dryer sheets on underwear, don’t wash my vulva with shampoo, or soaps or douches, don’t use vaginal creams as they can have benzyl alcohol in them and that can burn and dry skin, don’t wear leggings or anything tight fitting all day.

My Do’s

What do I do? I use an intervaginal bio identical estrogen, wear cotton underwear, wear loose fitting clothes and if I wear tights/ski tights, or a swimsuit, I change as soon as I am finished with that particular activity. I limit my hot tub time to once a week for 15 minutes.  V-magic is an organic product that works as a moisturizer and barrier cream and I use it almost daily (I have found it most helpful to reduce itching and burning). 

Most recently, I added these practices to my vulva health regime.

 A daily vulva massage with almond or coconut oil. This moisturizes the skin and creates a helpful barrier from irritants. 

I practice solo sex biweekly which includes: vulva massage with almond oil, creating my arousal with massage and or vibrator, slow penetration with a dildo of choice. Sometimes I start with the small end of the barbel and enjoy the pleasant coolness at my vaginal opening. Inhaling and then slowly exhaling I consciously relax my pelvic floor and introduce my barbel inch by inch into the vagina reminding myself to keep breathing. I have found that arousal, lubrication, and slow penetration are the keys to pleasurable penetration. 

This may seem like a lot of work, however, for me it is worth it because it enhances my self pleasure.

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