I was pondering what are myths? I started with google and found Joseph Campbell’s and Wikipedia’s definition of myths and their functions. I never realized there where so many definitions and functions of myths and how my culture is ladened with myth, not just sexual ones.

Myths can be things of legends and mystical creatures that teach ethics/morals/spiritual lessons to live one’s life by.  Myths by definition are embedded in our society’s believe systems, for better or for worse. I have experienced the negative effects of sexual myths and as young as age 3, I began my life time of warring against them.  I pushed against the myth that little girls should sit and be pretty. I regularly and proudly entered the house after church with bloody, grass-stained knees from doing the forbidden which was being too rambunctious.

  The nature of some myths is exaggeration, a distortion of the truth. Really, it is a lie that is widely believed.  Like women don’t fantasize about sex (Holy *#!!! Obviously, they have not read my mind lately nor read “My Secret Garden”, by Nancy Friday, a compilation of women’s sexual fantasies).  It only took me 50 years and attending a bodysex workshop, to give myself permission to have sexual fantasies without shame.

Myths also cultivate “curious mind”. The mind that stands in awe and wonderment of the mystery of all life including its bodily pleasures. I wish I knew of any female sexual awe-inspiring myths. From my youngest sexual memory, it was made crystal clear to me that when female sexuality and myths collide, the sexual myth ejaculates an oppressive @@#$%%## show that permeated every corner of my life.  Starting with the message I was born in the wrong body.

Born in the wrong body Myth

I was told many times, by my grandmother I should have been a boy. I knew I wanted to be a boy because they had a lot more fun and freedom. I guess Cindi Lauper’s song “Girls Just Wanta Have Fun” had not been written yet, or my grandmother would have known I wasn’t exhibiting masculine behaviors’, I was a girl and I was having fun, pure and simple.

It still rings in my ears: “Good Girls don’t, Young ladies don’t “:  run around naked, go shirtless showing their bare chest, swear, climb trees, etc.  I was a rambunctious little kid, I remember hanging up side down in trees and loved running around bare chested and skinny dipping. I love to this day the sensation of skinny dipping.  Being full of piss & vinegar, I never stopped any of my so called socially unacceptable behavior including secretly masturbating. I just got more secretive and my parts raged about being in a body that had so many restrictions placed on it because it has a vulva.

Sex is for Reproduction and Male Pleasure Myth

The myth of being born in the wrong body left me more furious than curious about my developing breasts and menstruation.  This maturation shit, got in the way of the physical activities I loved.

Around this time, I was introduced to another myth that girls and women are only good for two things: fucking and reproduction. This so told fact was screamed at me after I stripped my peer, a young pubescent male of the road hockey ball. Enrage, he started to beat me with his hockey stick. Enraged I returned the favor. I was not going to stand for this insult that I only have value in the service of men. This young male’s proclamation of a female’s value, was just another iteration of the same myth I heard in Sunday school and read in male porn rags. Some where in the core of my being, I knew this was bull shit and that as a girl, sovereignty over my body and my pleasure was my birthright.

The Masturbation Myth

At age 15, even the myth that “I would go to hell” for thinking about or practicing masturbation, didn’t stop me from masturbating with self penetration. I wondered; how could such a wonderful pleasure be a sin. I am so grateful I am tenacious and curious as it has helped me overcome sexual myths.

So now at 61, I give kind eyes (compassion) to my younger parts who suffered so much confusion, shame and pain. Yes, there still is some shame around masturbation, however, I am willing to be comfortable being uncomfortable when it comes to pleasuring myself.

Lastly, I wish for every young female and those young at heart, that she  reads  a bedtime story that cultivates her “curiosity of mind.” A wonder filled story about being a budding goddess. Who is sexual from the day she was conceived until the day she dies. She basks in knowing that she is the sovereign of her body and its pleasure. She knows no fear or shame of expressing her authentic(sexual) self because she has no experience of anything other than being seen, accepted and loved as the goddess she is.

Grace is currently in training as a Bodysex Coach 

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