I stumbled across Betty Dodson’s life’s work while I was looking for a comprehensive sex program that included nudity. Well, I found that and more. Betty’s books and art work challenged my puritan views of sex and showed me a path to reclaim my sexuality. As I explore Betty’s life through “Sex By Design”, I discover a way of being, a methodology, that makes pleasure a value, a priority.  I have the privilege of exploring her life’s journey, via her books, art work and podcasts. This is a distillation of what I have found helpful from studying this gutsy woman’s life:  I am not alone, Connect with like minded people, Educate myself, Get deliberate, Be curious, and Make pleasure a priority.

I am not alone

Like Betty and so many other women, I found myself frustrated with the lack of sex and weighted down with shame, about my secret masturbation. I saw masturbation as a substitute for the real sex “partner sex.” Betty normalized masturbation; Masturbation is normal and it is sex and it is the most consistent sex I will ever have. This diminished some of the shame about my masturbation practice, however, shame loves to keep things hidden, so I got deliberated and started talking more openly to friends about masturbation. I am no longer alone.

Connect With Like Minded People

Betty found people who where as interested in sex as she was and not in the likely places like the feminist movement. Many a time the most like minded person she could find was herself. She had times when she was celibate (exploring herself sexually alone). Following her example, I signed up to be a Bodysex associate. A group of women willing to talk about sex. Sex education with peer support and sex educators Carlin and Laura.

Educating Myself

Like life its self, no one can live it for me. So, I dive in head first: learning about the clitoral system, arousal and desirer, Betty’s rock and roll method to orgasm, vulva massage etc. My mind is exploding with a desperate curiosity to debunk the sexual myths so entrenched in our culture:  that women who enjoy sex are sluts and whores, women who cannot orgasm with penis/vaginal penetration are fridged. Nope, none of this is true. What is true is I am a sexual being, I have a sophisticated sex organ, designed specifically for my pleasure. I am a souvenir being and I alone can choose with whom or with whom I do not share my pleasure with.

Getting Deliberate

 I know from my experience with life long learning from white water kayaking to learning another language, I have to get deliberate. So, I started a 30-day challenge of daily vulva massage/masturbation sessions. When I need an assist/support I listen to Carlin’s guided vulva massage and masturbation rock and roll technique. Like Betty and her talk at NOW and vibrator demonstrations, I deliberately speak to my friends about what I am learning and practicing.

Above all else Betty is an example of life long curiosity, humor and playfulness. When something I read or hear makes me cringe, I deliberately get curious, ???  it brings space, and less judgement. Sexual pleasure is about enjoyment, fun, So I choose to make pleasure a priority. Starting with surfing the waves of my orgasm. Thank-you Betty

Making pleasure a priority!

Grace is currently in training as a Bodysex Coach 

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