I always think of a word to sum up a Bodysex Workshop. My word for May’s workshop is ease: “to be free from something that pains, disquiets, or burdens.”

The day before the workshop, there were some bumps. Carlin’s flight was late which made getting the equipment to our space and meeting the owner of our AirBnB a moving target. Yet I moved forward with calm and flexibility. Carlin arrived safely. Two loads of equipment got up to the second floor of our space with the help of Tony, the owner. Carlin and I still had time to enjoy an amazing dinner at L’Abatros, my favorite French restaurant in Cleveland.

Carlin and I were completely in sync as we set up the space during the morning before the women arrived. Everything came together quickly and joyfully. I carefully polished each mirror and tray. Carlin set up the floor chairs with mindful intention. While we worked, I thought about the women who would soon be in the circle. Getting ready for the workshop prepares us to hold the space. The whole process felt easy and pleasurable.

About 15 minutes before our workshop start time, I put on my black robe and went to the first floor to greet the women as they arrived. Every time I opened the door, I greeted each woman’s nervous excitement with my calm reassurance. I was excited to meet them all. We’d been exchanging emails for months. It felt like welcoming family home, although we’d never met in person until now.

After all of the women arrived, I went up to the second floor. “Let’s get this party started,” I playfully called out and took off my robe. I was the first one naked.

I couldn’t help but think of my very first workshop with Betty and Carlin, nine years prior. Taking off my clothes for that workshop was one of the most significant hurdles that I’d ever jumped. Back then, I felt so disconnected from my body and shame about how I looked naked. Today I was fully integrated with my body and comfortable in my own skin. I felt completely at ease with being the first to take off my robe. That would never have happened without Bodysex.

Every Bodysex circle is different. The workshop is grounded by the rituals, giving it a reliable structure. Timing is flexible. We go through the rituals in order, spending as much time as the women need. Each ritual builds on the previous one. Although it’s never the same, I noticed the predictable flow within the workshop that creates ease.

During Erotic Recess, Carlin worked with a couple of women individually while I kept the group going with more practice.  Some women had difficulty recognizing that they orgasmed. I could see the orgasm wave in their bodies – shaking, tension followed by relaxation, aftershocks. Yet some weren’t sure if their experience was an orgasm.

“I just felt kind of shimmery and then it stopped,” one woman told me.

“That’s it!” I exclaimed. “That’s your orgasm! I’ve been feeling the same thing over here myself. It’s my favorite kind of orgasm.”

During a Bodysex circle, we’re free to put words to our experiences. We’re empowered to share with one another and check in. We learn about our own bodies with practice, reflection, and sharing with others. Orgasms aren’t all the same. Some are just a quick peak of pleasure, some send tingles through the body, some are shock waves of pleasure. Yet “an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm,” as Betty would say. Every orgasm is good.

Women are entitled to pleasure. We need to take it for ourselves first. That’s not what we are taught. Our society expects women to be the givers of pleasure as caregivers and nurturers. Focusing on that expectation makes it harder for us to receive. A circle of Bodysex women gives us permission to take pleasure for ourselves. We encourage self-pleasure. It’s only though receiving pleasure that we are able to truly give pleasure to others, if we choose. We need to be full first to give with abundance.

This circle left me feeling full and at ease. It’s how I want to be present in my life every day. It all starts with self-pleasure and sisterhood.

I’m already looking forward to our next circle in November.

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