With the goal of warmth and groundedness I took my time setting up my living room over a couple days and it came together fabulously. There aren’t neighbors on any side of my house but I covered the windows with altar clothes I’d purchased at the main temple in Tiruvanamalai at the base of Mount Arunachala while leading a yoga retreat there several years ago. My gray backjacks and waterproof blankets were Costco purchases and I have to say, I really appreciate Costco for selling these items. They allowed me to set up a comfortable space for way less initial investment. The set of trays I was using came from Goodwill, made of cut and shiny plastic, probably from the 70s. My favorite piece in the room was an Iranian rug I’d gotten from a woman on Facebook Marketplace. It’s yellow with sparkly thread woven through it and a delightful floral pattern. Her young son translated between Farsi and English for us as we made the deal in their apartment about a mile from me. 

We were a group of 6 including me. And like me, everyone in the room had nerves, and most of us didn’t know each other very well. Yet here we were, naked in a circle talking about how we felt about our bodies and our orgasms, inching along towards a circle jerk together in a few hours. I told everyone that they were the experts of their own bodies and that while I might encourage them to continue dipping at least a toe into discomfort, they knew when to push and when to pull back. I knew the rituals worked and leaned into their structure, even as folks shared their nervousness and hesitation.

In every Bodysex retreat I’ve been in the same thing happens. The rituals move a group from mostly strangers to sweetly connected and deeply intimate. After 10 seconds it feels totally normal to be naked together. And then, through the course of the day we fall in love with each other. Not a precious, pining, or romantic love, but one of beauty, respect, witnessing, and acknowledgment. 

It’s been a year or so since I’ve led a retreat of any kind and it’s a deep heart path for me to facilitate, one that feels nourishing and satisfying all way to my pinky toe bones and somewhere deep within my heart. 

At the beginning, just before lighting the candle I held up my little bottle of Betty’s ashes, along with another ancestral power object I work with in the realm of sexuality and pleasure for people with vulvas. Lighting the candle and calling in these two ancestors simultaneously lit the room up and anchored us deep into the Earth. One participant gasped with joy that Betty was here with us. 

My experience is that genital show and tell is a tipping point ritual after which people are forever changed. They might lay their blanket next to me and sit with shaking legs and hands and their initial words might be ones of questioning and fear. 

“What am I about to do?” they might say out loud. “Oh my god.” 

Then we exhale loudly together and they rub oil on their vulvas and show us the universe between their legs. Each one unique in its different shape and color. Each one sweet and unapologetically beautiful.

We claim our bodies and our power as we look at our vulva through the mirror and give others a tour of our anatomy. These gorgeous bodies of ours, with our cute hips and sweet breasts and chests. Some of us show off tattoos that rarely get seen or a delicate meandering curve of a belly, a waist, or hipbone. 

One person’s feedback was that the practitioner going first for each ritual made all the difference for them, and that they hadn’t been in a retreat quite like that before. 

Another referred to erotic recess as “masturbation body doubling” and another said, “Oh yeah like parallel play!” I’ve used both terms in other contexts but it was brilliant to use them here. 

I didn’t confirm with all 5 participants but I’m pretty sure we had at least one group orgasm. The energy zipped around the room and washed over each of us. We also enjoyed a simultaneous group giggle, barbels inside, wands buzzing away. 

I can’t wait to hear how yesterday changes each person’s view of themselves and what slow burn learnings happen over time. And I can’t wait to hold another circle.

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