This is the most embarrassing story.
And maybe even a little TMI (too much info) but if you stick with me there’s a point.
Rewind to 2010. My days were fast-paced. At that time, my to-do list was never-ending. I’d earned two promotions at work so I was part of the executive management team.
Each moment of the day was packed — starting before work by reading email over breakfast, followed by going from appointment to appointment with barely a moment to escape for lunch.
On this particular day, I darted into the bathroom to change my tampon and realized it wasn’t there.
No string.
No tampon.
Nothing. The whole thing…just MIA.
My panties weren’t blood stained. There I stood, confused. How could it be MIA when I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I had inserted a tampon?
I was HORRIFIED!!!!
I couldn’t recall any of my friends EVER mentioning losing a tampon. In a panic, I went to YouTube to learn if others had experienced it. No luck.
Then I called my best friend. She, too, hadn’t heard of it.
Next, I called my mom who shared something similar happened to her many years ago. “Go to the gynecologist,” she said.
So, one day later, there I was on the exam table talking to my gynecologist.
Doc: It’s not there. In fact, there’s nothing there.
Me: Are you sure?
Doc: Positively. Nothing there. Maybe it slipped out.
Me: But I would have felt that. Are you sure it’s not lost inside me?
Doc: I don’t know what else to tell you, but I’m certain it’s not there. Did you even put one in?
Me: Silence.
There I was, all propped up on the table, thinking, Did I put a tampon in?
I had been so busy, rushing from place to place, going from thing to thing, I couldn’t even remember if I had used a tampon.
Gheesh, how could I be that disconnected from my body?
At first, I felt crazy, then I thought, I CANNOT be the only one who is so busy, so rushed, so automated, that I do things without awareness. And I thought, what kind of woman is that disconnected from her lady bits? Maybe you could never see yourself forgetting a tampon, but chances are, if you’re constantly on the go like the old me, it’s easy to become disconnected from yourself.
This experience was a wake-up call! I realized I was unconsciously prioritizing my work and team…everyone except myself.
As a result, I felt drained and exhausted AF. Drained to the point that I wasn’t even consciously aware of my own basic needs, which is why I found myself bouncing from task to task and disconnected from my body.
And in my relationship, I was serving, pleasing, and prioritizing his needs and his pleasure instead of my own; yet another example of why I was unconsciously disconnected from myself.
The aftermath of the tampon moment was a big turning point when I realized my need to change how I was living my life. I decided to SLOW DOWN and practice self-care. For me slowing down looked like:
- mindfully and sensually rubbing lotion on my body after showering. This simple touch routine served as one way for me to lovingly reconnect with my body.
- blocking time on my calendar for lunch because how many times had I missed lunch and scarfed down food between meetings??
- earmarking my priorities on the calendar before saying yes to anything.
- practicing hot yoga most Saturday mornings to quiet my mind and soothe my stressed out body.
- setting a leave work alarm that served as a friendly reminder of ‘hey it’s 4:45pm so wrap it up in 15 minutes.
For more than a year I immersed myself in this routine which unlocked my feminine intuition; these self-care practices served as a deep dive into reconnecting with myself – mind, body, soul.
My biggest lesson from slowing down? Pausing isn’t just okay, it’s necessary because pleasure and ease is a nervous system resource! Slowing down gave me more energy and helped me feel more grounded and aware. Along the way I found my goddess vibes. Deep in my being I understood that self-care isn’t selfish – it fuels a life that’s relaxed, creative, and inspired every day!
I never could have imagined that an awkward tampon moment would be transformative. So, I thank Mother Earth for my bleeding moon cycle and the missing tampon. The entire experience made me realize how important it is to be in tune with my body, and for that, I’m grateful!
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Tosh Patterson
Mexico
Tosh is currently in training as a Bodysex Leader.
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